I feel a Toast brewing for my sister. Her daughter, my beautiful niece is getting married on Saturday and my sister can’t be there due to the fact she’s in heaven, or hanging out someplace heavenly listening to classic rock music and watching over us. I ache to have her here but I can’t write that Toast! just yet. Not yet.
So I’m gonna write about my ass.
I haven’t been too nice to it lately. Actually, I don’t think I have ever been. There was the fat filled diet of my childhood which made it get rounder and rounder. And then there was beer. Lots and lots of beer. Cheetos, beer and cigarettes were my diet staples for my college years. And of course, there were that dancing thing. You know, not exercise or aerobic but induced by long island iced teas and club funk, I could be found shaking my ass on some table or bar stool somewhere. So yeah, I wasn’t too nice to my ass in my younger years.
When I got kicked out of college and had to go home I lost weight. Lost ass size. Which was cool. But then when I got pregnant and gained weight that became the baby weight I spoke of for about 20 year (YES, I SAID 20 YEARS) before it was gone, my ass was larger. I was larger.
But then I lost weight. Lost ass size. I even was able to slide my body into a size 6 dress AND SIT DOWN. That’s an accomplishment. I’m taking huge credit points for that!
But then I did something that I’m having no control over. I aged. I am aging. And that slowing metabolism bullshit, The Pause weight gain, arthritis in my lower back (ahem…fell OFF those bar stools too many times, probably) and now bone spurs in my arthritic knee, my ass has been taking the hit cuz I say not so nice things to it.
But that will stop. I may not be able to fully repeat the words on this picture but I’m working on it. And it begins with this morning’s Toast! to my ass.