Yup. I said it. They can suck it.
A couple days ago I sat down with my new bullet journal. Yes, I have one. Started it last January. And it was an ordeal that fed my procrastination monster (hmmm…I just realized that I may have to change that for the new year. IS procrastination REALLY a bad thing? What if I labeled it to Brewing Monster…or dropped the monster altogether and gave it the personification of … me. I’m not a monster. Maybe I like to take my time and during that time ENJOY Pinterest and deep dives into books and binge watching TV shows. Maybe all of these activities are when my work steeps, ya know, like a big mug of tea? How can steeped tea be bad?)
Anyway- back to the resolutions. I looked at the Resolutions I made last January. Two beautiful pages with elaborate borders of different shapes and color-coded lists. I realized that my box of stencils and colored pens is still under my desk where it’s been since February. And I didn’t look at the lists since I wrote them.
Reviewing them now? Well, they can suck it.
There are some that I see now were not just about me or what I could do. Things like “Sell Shipside”, which is a feature script that’s still in development. The selling of that script didn’t and doesn’t just depend on my writing. I need others involved to make this resolution come true.
Same goes for “Sell Mayberry Circle Club”, another script. This one is a TV limited series. Again- not just on me. Just like “getting an Agent and a Manager”. These resolutions require others to show up, too. So there.
The few I did accomplish were “Write Stands Alone”, the novel I did write. Sure, I still have revisions to do after hearing from my beta readers but I did write it. Book one of an epic trilogy. And I’m proud AF for that! I met other writing resolutions. Plus more. I have short stories now and drafts of Coasting On E and a new feature, Floating Girl, a suspense mystery about Missing and Murdered Indigenous women. I wrote more than I thought I would, so maybe that’s what I need to list in my new journal. Begin with what I DID do last year .
BUT…what about manifestation? If I don’t say “I’m going to SELL THE SCRIPT” then how can I put that out there to make it come true?
I don’t want to start saying “I’m gonna try to…” cuz yes, I’m trying to. I can continue trying to but doesn’t stating the resolution like that weaken it a bit? I should be stronger in my resolve, right?
And now, of course, the answers to those questions I’m getting in my head is “Chill, Stace. Resolutions can suck it”
Maybe the difference is that some of these are Goals. And Resolutions are things I have full control of, like…I resolve “To kick my own ass less”. No explanation needed on that one. “To tend to my health more often” which actually means no sugar or gluten, write my food diary and take my supplements for the Crohns and IBS, etc… BUT instead of “resolving” to not ever eat sugar again which is ridiculous and I just hurt myself rolling my eyes, “tending” to my health is about making healthy choices, which includes the supplements and diary, working out when I can, meditating and finally trying yoga. It’s also about my therapy and breathing. Yeah, breathing. None of these feel like hard MUST DO OR ELSE like resolutions can feel like. Except the breathing, of course. “Tending” just feels more gentle.
Another resolution could be about kindness and peace. Something the world needs so much more of and things I don’t have a lot of sometimes. I’m tired. And pissed. In this hard world with so much oppression, racism, attacks, violence against women, POC’s and children, immigrants, the queer community, led by the orange madman in the White House, I often find myself with not a lot of kindness. My righteous anger, my sadness, my outrage can often be the leading volcano of emotions I’m throwing up and out to the Universe. It’s often all I’m adding to the world, to the day. I can’t resolve to be kind to a bigot. I would be lying to say I’ll try. That’s not on the list but I can offset some of that hate thrown at us by generating more kindness when and how I can.
So, I’ll list my Accomplishments because I did have some. I’ll list Goals, things to work towards. And then I’ll list Resolutions which are about what I and I alone can make happen. And yes, I’ll try to erase the big “GO SUCK IT” that I etched across the two pages of 2018 Resolutions in my journal.
It’s a new day.